Things to Communicate on for a Serious Relationship

This was a checklist that I just found tucked into my Bible from a group I attend sometimes that covers a variety of topics. This was obviously on relationships and I can see how this would be worth holding onto.

  1. Who are they?
    1. Health Status
      1. Can be a big deal knowing what you’re dealing with time-wise and financially
    2. Assessment of Personal Attributes
      1. Best and worst traits about yourself, defining experiences, etc.
    3. Dating History
      1. With others and the person you are marrying
      2. Also includes relationship roles and expectations
    4. Sex (Boundaries: will they wait?)
      1. Any history here with other person or anyone else? Abuse? Physical reasons this might not function normally for you?
    5. Friends/Recreation
      1. Types friends, from where (church/work/sports/neighbors), expectations on time spent, prioritizing making new friends vs. current friends, which friends of partner do you get along with/not get along
  2. Where are they going?
    1. List of Goals and Values
      1. Individually and for your relationship/future family
    2. Employment/Career Plans
      1. Natural gifts/expectations for salary/longevity (including if either would stay at home with kids), future schooling
    3. Financial Goals/Priorities
      1. Current savings, month spending debt, giving, bank account status (shared vs. separate), level of insurance, goals for size/expense of house, car, etc.
      2. Full page itemized annual budget sheet
    4. Description of Parents and their Relationships
      1. Like it or not, definitely trend toward emulating roles of your parents
      2. Helps establish your baseline view of “normal” relationship, including responsibilities (e.g. who takes out the trash?)
    5. In-Laws
      1. Similar questions to questions about parents
      2. Also how you saw similarities in partner’s character/personality relative to that of their mom and dad
    6. Kids
      1. Number, in how long, birth vs. adoption, spread out or in a row
      2. Parenting roles
    7. Residence
      1. Location, environment (city/neighborhood/suburbs/country)
      2. Size (short and long term)
  3. How do you see God in them? (Throughlines of JUSTICE and COMPASSION)
    1. Types of Things you Communicate About
      1. Conflict styles, how you convey excitement/anger/worry, how you communicate your stress, etc.
    2. Motivation/Reasoning Behind Decisions
      1. Good indicator of priorities
    3. How They Treat People/How People View Them
      1. Can seer humor, how consistent their behavior is around different kind of people
      2. Can learn about qualities that they have in environment you haven’t had a chance to interact with them in yet
    4. Faith
      1. Frequency for church/devotions/discipleship/service/community?
      2. Why is this valuable to you?
      3. Spiritual gifts/testimony?
Advertisements