Clay Scroggins: Health and Fellowship (Notes from Catalyst)

Clay Scroggins is the lead pastor at North Point Community Church (and works for Andy Stanley). What he spoke about brought to mind the person I report to and how excellent she is at keeping health (mental, spiritual, physical and social) at the forefront. She is so effective at reminding people of their worth and the necessity to care for themselves well if they are to care for others well. But I digress…

Clay Scroggins began with the idea that uncommon fellowship rarely happens with unhealthy people. This doesn’t mean that we should only be in relationship with healthy people, but it does acknowledge the fact that people who aren’t emotionally healthy are unable to build truly healthy relationships. This is why, as a leader, the best thing that we can actually do for our team is to work on our own health.

Unhealthiness is a barrier, and we witness that in teams all the time. He joked that, if you don’t know who the person on your team is that has a toxic attitude, it’s very likely that it is you (maybe not so much of a joke). This is why, for leaders, EQ is more important than IQ. We are the emotional guide for our team, and it’s HARD to do for others what you cannot do for yourself.

Emotional health is the ability to recognize and manasge our emotions as well as control our own emotions. In order to become emotionally healthy, you must first become aware. You can’t grow if you don’t know. And nothing distracts us from trending toward emotional health than white noise. White noise is a tool to mask unwanted sound and we all use white noise to mask unwanted emotion. This can look like disengaging and retreating to your phone, being more of a presence online than in life, earbuds being a permanent fixture in your attire, or maybe it’s even pills, or a few glasses of wine, etc. This masking of our emotions numbs our senses and disconnects us from reality.

The Keystone Habits of Emotionally Healthy Leaders

  1. Turn the white noise down low enough, long enough, to be ruthlessly curious of our own emotions.
    1. White noise is devastating to our curiosity
    2. In a study of 35 CEO’s in Atlanta, there were only a few traits shared across ALL of them:
      1. Get up early
      2. Have a regular rhythm of reflection/prayer; times of unplugging & solitude
  2. Recognize that your emotions are messengers.
    1.  When the white noise gets too loud, we miss what our emotions are attempting to tell us
      1. Think about the idea that “Silence can be deafening;” there’s things to be heard in that space
      2. Experiment with white noise (make margin to hear from God and yourself)
        1. Learn to identify the emotion. Men are often seen as either being “fine” or being “mad.” There’s a wide spectrum of emotions we feel that help us to understand what we are experiencing and what is happing around us

In Summary…

  1. Experiment with reducing white noise. Psalm 26:2 “Examine me, O LORD, and try me; Test my mind and my heart.”
  2. Identify the emotion your feeling. Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
  3. Interrogate the emotion. 2 Corinthians 10:5 “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” Ask:
    1. When did I first notice this emotion?
    2. What exactly is driving this emotion?
    3. How should I respond to this emotion?
  4. Determine what you are going to do about the emotion. James 1:19 “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,”

What is ultimately at stake if we fail to turn down the white noise? Uncommon fellowship, marriages, friendships, partnerships and transformation. The more emotionally healthy we become, the more uncommon the fellowship we will experience.

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Vulnerable

Friends,

I am in the midst of some of my greatest struggles, and I feel more alone than I have in a long time. I love people but I have an ability to give this impression that they know me without ever letting them close. History has taught me when you let people close to you it ends poorly and so I built walls. These walls have created the very isolation I now struggle with when my life feels unstable. Yet God keeps reminding me to “Be loved.”

Tonight, I’ll be vulnerable about my desire for a husband and children. This desire is so deep and so full that sometimes my heart aches. That desire for children has only started in the last year or two and the husband not much longer than that. Even with my ex’s and their families pointing out my deep capacity to love and care for them, to build a home… I had this impression that motherhood was beyond my capabilities.

But I believe God changed my heart. I went on a prayer retreat where we prayed for our future husbands, ourselves, God, etc. A tangible thing that came out of that was feeling like I should get off of birth control. This facilitated conversation with my migraine doctor which taught me what I’d need to know when I was getting ready for pregnancy.

And I want it. I’m taking these steps because I am hoping that God will show up behind this with a man after God’s heart, full of intellect, wit and kindness and who is ready for a home and family. Someone who loves community.

It’s why I’m selecting the car I’m going to pick. I could get a car that would work for now but I want God to know I believe He’ll show up for me here. I’ll buy something that will work for a family. I’m betting on God and not the whispers that tell me that the only one capable of loving me is God; that I missed my chance at a family because of the poor choices of my past…

God, I believe that these desires didn’t appear without purpose. I believe you mean for me to have a husband and a family; help me with my disbelief and heal my heart so it can receive the love you send it, Abba. AMEN.

 

Seeds of Change

     The fifth chapter of Brian Seaward’s book Stand Like Mountain, Flow like Water, is looking at seeds of change, was very insightful. First examined was the seed of faith, the mustard seed. Faith is something that must be cared for and cultivated. Like the tiny mustard seed, if cared for, it will become durable and rooted but it requires nurturing. “Nelson Mandela… said, ‘Faith is not belief without proof, it’s trust without reservation.’ Many people claim to have faith, but their faith can best be described as hope; wishing rather than knowing.” (pg. 177) I have found that as my faith deepens, it is not that God answers my prayers more or that I have a better idea of what the future holds; it is that more and more I trust where I am being lead and whatever situations I face, I know God is with me and so I am filled with courage.

     For the daffodil (personally my favorite flower), the seed of mirth, I took great comfort in this. I find I often balance serious conversation with laughter and it is how I attempt to bring comfort to people at opportune times. I particularly agree with where the cancer victor pointed out that it diffuses anger, dissolves fear, and lightens the heart. (pg. 186) The thing to be sensitive of here is that the humor is not at a cost to someone else; this is completely unnecessary and doesn’t bring healing to people as we see within the story of the people who are fighting for survival. It is best to not joke about people’s health, physical or mental, because you really have no idea what battles they are fighting. Let your words always lift people up. As someone who comes from a household where sarcasm was standard and wit was biting, I have found this habit to be a challenging habit to break at times but I never want make people laugh at another’s expense.

     The seed of compassion (the columbine seed) hit close to home as I was a freshman in high school during the shooting at Columbine; the ripple effect it sent through my high school was less compassion and an increase in threats for shootings and bombs. Fear of death, as this book covers, was not uncommon in school. The perspective of the state’s approach reflected on the license plates, “Respect Life, not only in remembrance, but as an expression of compassion,” (pg. 188) is very reassuring. Compassion isn’t about being thanked, or pity or shame, it is about unconditionally loving others.

     Lastly, the acorn, the seed of willpower, a seed that is soft and only half an inch in diameter and yet if planted produces oak, an tall and exemplary hardwood. Willpower is a muscle that requires consistent exercise. For each of these seeds, they start out tiny and, if properly planted and nurtured, produce something far beyond what one might expect when looking at a tiny seed. As we tie these seeds back to the traits we associate them with, we need to consider the conditions we “plant” these traits within ourselves. Do we feed them with positive or negative thoughts? Are they suffocated by ego or fear-based weeds? Based on our care, how can we expect these traits to grow?