Oh, my sweet one

I shall sing a song over you

A song of thanks

For you are a promise delivered.


I call out to my God and say,

I hear You and trust in Your promise

for You are a living God

who works miracles far beyond me.


I sing a song of Love,

I sing Your praise all my days,

I sing blessings over you from above,

My little act of my God’s grace.


Dream of My Wedding

I dreamt it was dusk and I’m looking in the mirror. I’m in a very simple, pretty wedding dress and outside I can see the twinkle of hundreds of white lights against the sky set on fire as the sun disappears. I’m alone. I smile at myself and head down the steps.

The building is silent but when I open the door I walk into a crowd of people, people I know congratulating me and giving me gifts. I grab a drink and manage to mutter “thank you” as I try to reorient myself. Several people say, “I’m so happy for you and ______!” But they keep saying the wrong name, the name of a man I’m not meant to marry, and so I gently remind them I’m marrying ________.”

I’m standing at the edge of this square and a guy I don’t recognize (but I know him in the dream because he’s the best man) runs up to me. “Kara, how long are you going to keep him waiting? He’s standing up there, waiting for you.”

“Oh no! I had no idea. I didn’t know where I was supposed to be! Let’s go.” And he grabs my hand and guides me through the crowd. It’s dark now and the twinkling stars are echoed in the tiny white lights crisscrossing above me. Inside I panic a little. It’s time. It’s here. I’m about to get married.

I freeze and close my eyes as our friend pulls on my hand. I open my eyes and he’s looking at me. “It’s okay, Kara. It’s going to be great. Trust me.” I take a deep breathe and step forward. The crowd suddenly opens up and there’s a path from me to my future husband. This tiny town square is full of people we love, and they all quiet down. String music begins to play somewhere and I smile at our friend as I let go of his hand and walk towards the one I’m meant to marry.

Broken Hearted

The pain of a broken heart who can mend, and who would want it mended when suffering is solace?

I can think of no other injury to the spirit which manifests itself so fully in the physical than this. That we sense a mortal wounding and declare our death, sure that life and joy have slipped through our fingers like sand too fine to grasp.

This heart is a healthy muscle, doctors proclaim, to our silent astonishment. Yet inside our chest a pain clenches and crumbles, gnaws and weeps, mourns and bargains until our stomach is a pit where our heart lies… impossibly small and mangled at the bottom.

This price we gladly pay, do we not? We all know the cost of love going in, and love I will gratefully mourn. We do not lament the loss of the worthless, the meaningless, the unloved. And so it is in my lament I know the depth of my happiness and discover it once more, for in it I learn that I have loved exceedingly well.





A Love Letter (2016 Dec)

Dear __________,

You question if you could be loved without seeing the love you are surrounded by. There have been people every step of the way loving you; there has been challenge, support, generosity, encouragement, comfort and presence.

Your fear isolated you. That your past is too much, that you will be known, that if you let people in they’ll see you the way you see you: as not enough.

My beloved, fear not. I am with you always and I provide exactly what is needed. I know all of you and I love you more deeply and profoundly than you know. I know this is hard for you, that familiar chains that weigh you down can be difficult to cast off. But it is all for good.

I am with you through the tears and pain. I am emptying you of things that aren’t of me: rejection, bitterness and their companions. You are meant to be filled with my Spirit and know the fruit of its freedom.

Imagine the love you feel which cannot be broken or lessened, which is unconditional. This is a taste of how you are loved by me.

No Lukewarm Love

I am not a lukewarm love

Found in riddles or sideways glances.

No games will I play with a heart

So treasured as yours.


There are no butterflies in my stomach

because there is no question mark in my heart.

I am a declaration as I weave my fingers through yours

and lay my head on your shoulder.


I fall asleep to the sound of your voice

Telling me stories I’ve heard before

My body arched around yours

our breathing synced.


Our lives together are full

full of God and joy, laughter and fun

and yes… pain and tears

A lifetime full of firsts and lasts.


Until it’s just me

Saying my last goodbye to you.

And there’s no more stories at night.

Just quiet and the memories of a love that was never lukewarm

to keep my heart warm at night.


“A Vessel” Dream

I’m pouring this liquid into a cracked vessel and because of this, I can’t fully rest. I have to keep pouring into it as it spills out the cracks, weakening it. In between, I’m trying to patch the cracks.

Then this presence said, ”Don’t you know I make all things new?”


Right after Israel, my roommate and dear friend asked me if I thought the influence of a friendship I had with a guy that was there with us was negative. I pushed back on her in the moment and said it was just a part of me she doesn’t usually get to see (and a part I don’t personally have a problem with) but it is a question that has continued to pop up up in moments of quiet reflection. It sits at the core of something I’ve struggled with for a really long time, to understand if it’s a weakness or a stength, or maybe both.

I acknowledge I am somewhat adaptable to those I am around. To give a little bit of background, I feel like a lot of people know who I am but not a lot of people know me. Some say I can be hard to get close to; this was true at one time. I don’t think it’s as true now.  I do feel like most people don’t try. I do require intentional pursuit which is what I do if I want someone in my life, but perhaps that is too much to expect of others? Anyways… this results in a small number of people who have done this. However, once you’re in, you are in for life should you choose to be. I’m loyal, reliable, committed and forgiving. I have friendships spanning decades and, even if we haven’t spoken in years, we can pick up right where we left off no problem. I see that as a strength. Those who are my friends or who have dated me know the truth in this.

But… the level of adaptability that I have, which started out as a survival mechanism in school, has lead me to tend to lose myself, most substantially when I date people. My adaptability allows me to operate extremely well in relationships with a wide variety of people which ultimately resulted in some substantial LTRs. If I commit, I commit and that means I do what I can to make things work. Sometimes the things I change are good: giving up day-drinking or smoking, trying new hobbies, getting healthy, etc. Other times, it has been less healthy: I’ve lost friends, savings, passions, health and happiness.

Ultimately though, these things are a result of my choices and how I choose to be influenced by the people I’m around (and who I would choose to date). And it had been so long since I’d really spent time being single that spending this time peeling back the layers of relationships and old hurt to find out what I’m about has been really good and healthy. It is why I’ve settled into a sort of peace with where I’m at with dating right now. When I used to self-select my partners, my ability to click with so many types made getting into a relationship easy but the cost for me was super high. Now, I’m bringing God into the deal and I feel like I’m being protected.

I’ve gotten a much better feel for who I am and what I’m about but I’m also realizing… I’m not my best me alone, even WITH God. People are really important for me, friends and otherwise. And while I can still spend time with all different kinds of people, I need to be aware of the influencers in my life and make sure that they are wielding the kind of influence I want them to.

Secondly, I think I’m strong and aware enough now to protect and prioritize the things that are important to me. It took a really long time to believe that this isn’t selfish; it merely positions me well so that I can give the best of myself to others. Thus, after a great deal of reflection, I feel like this can be as much of a strength or weakness as I allow it to be. That means I have a responsibility to both utilize it as a strength that can serve healthy relationships as well as be on the lookout for times where it may become a vulnerability.