These topics are hotly debated, but perhaps it is because they should be. I’m a millenial who grew up with mass shootings, I’ve lived as a Christian and non-Christian, and I do own a gun. But as a Christian, I have to consider what I am defending and protecting with my words online and in conversations. First, because God asks things of us as a follower and second, because we have the ability to bring people closer or further to God through our actions.
Sandy Hook. Orlando. Are we more apt to defend the rights of our guns or to demand some change? To say the status quo is no longer good enough? God, Jesus, calls us to the widow, the immigrant and the orphan, to mourn with those who mourn. Yet I see many who claim they are Christians first jumping to protect our rights instead of our people, and in the mean time we are creating more people who are mourning.
I love our rights. As a history major, I understand the danger of giving up rights out of fear or the desire for protection or security. I’m not saying the answer is simple or easy but we must look at our choices and as Christians, we should be caring for the victims more than our weapons. That doesn’t mean I’m saying hand them all over and melt them down; but we believe in improvement in our personal, spiritual and business life. It would be startling to think that some improvements can’t be made.
This, surprisingly or not, ties in to things like the death penalty. I don’t support the death penalty in cases where someone can be safely kept. This wasn’t always the case but my time with some Catholic nuns has shown me that everyone should be afforded every opportunity to repent and change their path; are we not all guilty in some way and worthy of being prisoners (if not of worldly law then certainly of God’s)?
I think if we examine other controversial issues like immigration, abortion, etc. we can start to see that leading with love and empathy might be the better foundation to build upon.
I am in the midst of some of my greatest struggles, and I feel more alone than I have in a long time. I love people but I have an ability to give this impression that they know me without ever letting them close. History has taught me when you let people close to you it ends poorly and so I built walls. These walls have created the very isolation I now struggle with when my life feels unstable. Yet God keeps reminding me to “Be loved.”
Tonight, I’ll be vulnerable about my desire for a husband and children. This desire is so deep and so full that sometimes my heart aches. That desire for children has only started in the last year or two and the husband not much longer than that. Even with my ex’s and their families pointing out my deep capacity to love and care for them, to build a home… I had this impression that motherhood was beyond my capabilities.
But I believe God changed my heart. I went on a prayer retreat where we prayed for our future husbands, ourselves, God, etc. A tangible thing that came out of that was feeling like I should get off of birth control. This facilitated conversation with my migraine doctor which taught me what I’d need to know when I was getting ready for pregnancy.
And I want it. I’m taking these steps because I am hoping that God will show up behind this with a man after God’s heart, full of intellect, wit and kindness and who is ready for a home and family. Someone who loves community.
It’s why I’m selecting the car I’m going to pick. I could get a car that would work for now but I want God to know I believe He’ll show up for me here. I’ll buy something that will work for a family. I’m betting on God and not the whispers that tell me that the only one capable of loving me is God; that I missed my chance at a family because of the poor choices of my past…
God, I believe that these desires didn’t appear without purpose. I believe you mean for me to have a husband and a family; help me with my disbelief and heal my heart so it can receive the love you send it, Abba. AMEN.